"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
