it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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