Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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