I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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