Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
