i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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