I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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