According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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