he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
