my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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