ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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