Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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