sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
