your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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