You smell like a Billy Joel song
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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