Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
