nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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