I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
