It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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