Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
