That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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