and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
