every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
