So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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