We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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