I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
