That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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