If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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