I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
