I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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