Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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