i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
