then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
