he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
