she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
