I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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