guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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