The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
