Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
