We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You left your underwear on the fireplace
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
