dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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