for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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