Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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