last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
