and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
