I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
