she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
