1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dear god my vagina.
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