that's an acceptable place to lick
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
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I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
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You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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