I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
