Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
