I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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