Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
