I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
