google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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