I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
