the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
