Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
