No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
