My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
