Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
