I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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