Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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