Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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