I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
