You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
