Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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